At A Loss
by Soggy-Teabag
Summary: Brendan thinks he's lost everyone, but has he? Requested by puffles x


**At a loss**

**Plot – Brendan thinks he's lost everyone, but has he?**

**AN – Set a few days after Lynseys death. This was a request from Redheadedpuffball who came up with entire plot... **

* * *

Ste knocked on the door of Riley Costello, eager to get into the warmth of the flat, yet slightly apprehensive about what to say to Cheryl and Mercedes once he was inside. Riley opened the door, buggy partially blocking the entry, looking sullen and miserable. He waved Ste in with a flick of his hand, and Ste complied, stepping over the threshold and observing his surroundings. He hadn't been in Riley's flat much, but it had certainly seen better times, on the occasions he had been inside – perhaps with Doug, for a lads night, or to drop off some of Lucas' old clothes for Bobby. A multitude of bags littered the floor. The kitchen appeared a bit of a mess, washing and drying up piled high in the sink and on the draining board. The washing basket overflowed, bags strewn across the and a layer of dust covering the TV, photo frames and vases, dotted around the room. He looked at the sofa, and realised Brendan was currently sat on it, staring into space.

Riley was looking at him expectantly.

"I er... Sorry for your loss" Ste stumbled over his words, not wanting to sound cold-hearted and uncaring.

Riley shrugged. "She was your friend too."

_This was true, but she wasn't just Riley's friend was she? _

"Yeah, but you two had a thing going o-" Ste stopped dead in his tracks. _Was this an insensitive thing to say? _He breeched a new topic. "Cheryl in? I've come to see how she is."

Ste knew Cheryl would be in, it was a silly question. She hadn't left Riley's flat once, since she'd moved in. Still, Ste had just needed a swift change of topic after his recent cock up, and figured he'd covered his slip up rather well.

"No, she went out with Mercedes. Said they both needed air."

_Well, that was unexpected._ Not knowing what to say, Ste simply made a noise which sounded like he was contemplating. In a way, he was. He was contemplating what was the best approach of getting out of the flat, without seeming rude.

"Huh-"

"Me and Bobby are going out too..." Riley said shortly.

Ste gazed down at the baby. He was cute, was Bobby. He reached out eagerly towards Ste, gurgling and taking hold of his finger as he bent down.

"Hiya Bobby." Ste said, smiling despite the horrific events of the past few days. Ste loved babies, and Bobby was lovely. Ste tickled him a little and got a chuckle in response. The baby seemed oblivious to the heart-break going on around him. Or was he? Maybe little Bobby Costello was being underestimated. Maybe he was aware of the events which hadn't taken place, but was putting a brave face on it all, for everyone else. Being the strong one. A bit like someone else Ste knew.

"But Brendan's here..." Riley said.

Ste stood up sharply to see Brendan had looked up from staring, seeming surprised at Stes sudden presence.

Riley, thinking this was a good time to leave, clipped Bobby properly into the buggy and left, leaving Brendan and Ste staring at each other awkwardly.

XOX

"I... I'm sorry about Lynsey." Ste stuttered, fidgeting with his hands.

"S'not your fault" Brendan said nonchalantly. _Was he blaming himself? _Ste tried to think of something else to say but didn't think _"I also am very sorry that I tricked you into giving me the deli free of charge, then running off with Doug. If I knew Lynsey was gonna die, I'd never have done it"_ would have been particularly useful. He wasn't even sure why he was still here.

_He'd come here to see Cheryl and she wasn't here, so why hadn't he left?_

"I er. I gotta go." Ste mumbled. "Look after yourself an all." He walked back to the door and turned the handle, surprised when Brendan emitted a sharp "no".

Ste turned round, facing Brendan expectantly.

"Don't go. Please." He said desperately, and Stes face softened.

Brendan continued quietly. " I haven't had much company lately, and I could really do with some now."

Ste looked at Brendan, trying to work out whether to stay or not. Doug would no doubt get into a strop with him if he found out he'd spent the day with his ex. But then again, he didn't know if he could leave Brendan like this; almost vulnerable, upset and pained. And he wouldn't _have to_ tell Doug. After all, he had told him he was going to see Cheryl.

"Alright" Ste agreed._ He was just being a mate. Nothing more. _

He made his way to the sofa, and sat next to Brendan, discreetly leaving a bit of space between them. Considering Brendan had requested his company, he didn't seem too eager to actually talk to him. Ste broke the awkward silence.

"So how've ya been?"

Brendan merely looked at him.

"Silly question." Ste said answering himself. Silence descended and Ste twiddled his thumbs idly, looking around the room. Just as he was considering standing from the sofa, and making the place look more presentable, Brendan spoke.

"Hows the Deli?"

Ste gave a disinterested shrug. "Not been open since Lynsey... What with Doug and me being 'er friends... Didn't feel right."

Brendan nodded. "I see."

Ste sighed and played with his sleeves, as another uncomfortable silence enveloped them.

Brendan coughed then talked quietly, so Ste could only just hear what he was saying.

"It's my fault you know... If... If I'd of been more careful, protected her, maybe she'd still be-"

"Don't be silly. None of this is your fault Bren-" Ste began but Brendan interrupted him.

"But it is!" Brendan exploded, his eyes a little frantic and wild.

Ste waited for him to stop shaking so violently.

"How?" He asked, curious as to why Brendan was blaming himself.

Brendan sucked in a breath, and looked Stephen dead in the eye. "...I think I knew who killed her... And I think he killed her to get at me." He confessed, looking heart-stricken, and racked with guilt.

Ste took a moment to consider this. "So this... person, killed Lynsey, in order to hurt you?"

"Yes."

Ste knew Brendan well. Better than most. He was one of a handful of people who had seen Brendan without the mask in place. He had seen under his armour, and the tortured soul beneath. Right then, he knew Brendan needed someone, anyone to offer him some comfort. The bad guy needed a shoulder to cry on too. Ste also knew the loathing Brendan had of himself, which explained why he felt Lynseys death was his fault.

"Bren... I know you... And Lynseys death? It weren't your fault." He said softly, resisting the urge to curl himself around Brendan and make him feel better.

"You don't know that." Brendan choked out, and Ste noticed silent tears were trekking down his face.

"Yes I do. Brendan, It was the guy who killed her, it was his fault. Don't go blaming yourself." Ste whispered, and timidly intertwined his hand with Brendan's, which was rested on his leg. Brendan brought it to his lips, kissing it tenderly. Suddenly, an undercurrent of lust was pulsing through the room. Both of them able to feel it, yet neither brave enough to mention it.

Brendan still had tears falling from his eyes. "I'm going to lose everyone I love! Lynsey, Cheryl, You!" Brendan hissed brokenly. He seemed to be caving in on himself, right in front of Stephens eyes, and I was heart-wrenching. Ste found himself welling up, before his own tears began to shed.

"You won't lose us Bren. I'm not going anywhere, and neither is Cheryl."

Ste moved closer to Brendan, and hugged him, soon finding his head resting on his chest, feeling Brendan's body shake as he sobbed.

"I'll never lose you?" Brendan said quietly, his hand running through Stephens hair.

Ste sat up from Brendan's embrace to stare at him. "Never" he replied.

They gazed at each other, as the atmosphere in the room thickened, til it seemed they could only focus on one another. Brendan leant forward slowly, and placed a gentle kiss of Stes lips, before pulling away.

Ste had closed his eyes, but as Brendan moved away, they flickered open, seeming more blue surrounded by the thick border of tear spiked lashes.

"We shouldn't do this... I.. I'm supposed to be with Doug." He mumbled half-heartedly. His gut knotting as he saw the pain painted so clearly on Brendan's face.

"Please... Please Stephen, please." He pleaded.

Ste thought for a moment. He knew he could never get over Brendan fully. No matter how far he buried those feelings for Brendan, as soon as they had any contact with one another, they reawakened, eager for more. Ste loved Doug, sure, but it wasn't the same mind-consuming, life-changing passion, he shared with Brendan. Brendan set off a million fireworks in Stes belly whenever they were together, a feeling no one else could replace. Douglas, in contrast, was only a sparkler of recognition, one that could easily fizzle out, in only a short amount of time.

_Could he ever be with Brendan again though? They had been through so much, could they really put it behind them, and move on? _

Ste decided in a split second. He got up from the sofa and headed to the door.

He took off his coat, and hung it on the stand, before returning to Brendan, depositing himself on his lap. He wrapped his arms around his neck, and felt Brendan's circle around his torso. Ste leant down and placed a gentle kiss on his lips before retracting to stare into his eyes.

Right then he realised they had come to a new stage in their relationship. They had moved forward to a better place, where they were on level ground, equal of one another. Sure he would have a mega-grouchy, and constantly-whining business partner to deal with, but he figured he could deal with that, if he had Brendan to arrive home to each day.

Brendan had changed since Lynseys death. The bad boy, who had a penchant for trouble was still there somewhere, but perhaps the feelings he had for Stephen had finally overpowered his inner-demons, as his homophobia diminished leaving him to express himself as freely as he liked.

"I love you" Brendan said sincerely.

"I love you too Bren."

And they locked lips once more.

Lynsey watched from miles afar, smiling as she watched the two rediscover their feelings for one another. Maybe her death had been shocking and unjustified... But the kiss that Brendan and Ste shared as she looked upon them, exploring so many different concepts of their fiery relationship, proved that maybe something good had come out of her death...

For two lovers had been reunited and showed no signs of losing each other any time soon.

_**Finis**_


End file.
